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Empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of
trust, it
gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps
us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens
our “people acumen” and informs our decisions.
Empathy is also particularly
critical to
leadership
development in this age of young, independent, highly
marketable and mobile workers.
A formal definition of Empathy is
the ability to identify and understand another’s situation,
feelings and motives. It’s our capacity to recognize the
concerns
other people have. Empathy means: “putting yourself in the
other person’s shoes” or “seeing things through someone else’s
eyes”.
Your People Skills 360
We all know some people who are
naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who
can easily
forge positive connections with others. They are people who
use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are
catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the
greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to
some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity.
Here are a few practical tips you
might consider to help you do this:
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Listen
– truly listen to people.
Listen with your ears,
eyes and heart. Pay attention to others'
body language,
to their tone of voice, to the hidden
emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the
context.
-
Don't
interrupt people. Don't dismiss their concerns
offhand. Don't rush to give advice. Don't change the
subject. Allow people their moment.
-
Tune
in to non-verbal communication. This is the way
that people often communicate what they think or feel, even
when their verbal communication says something quite
different.
-
Practice the 93% rule. We know from a famous
study by Professor Emeriti, Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, that
words – the things we say – account for only 7% of the total
message that people receive. The other 93% of the message
that
we communicate when we speak is contained in our tone of
voice and
body language.
It's important, then, to spend some time to understand how
we come across when we communicate with others. A simple
thing like frowning or a raised eyebrow when someone is
explaining their point of view can disconnect us from the
speaker and make us appear as though we lack understanding.
-
Use
people's name. Also remember the names of
people's spouse and children so that you can refer to them
by name.
-
Be
fully present when you are with people. Don't
check your email, look at your watch or take phone calls
when a direct
report drops into your office
to talk to you. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you
feel if your boss did that to you.
-
Smile at
people.
-
Encourage people, particularly the quiet ones,
when they speak up in meetings. A simple thing like an
attentive nod can boost people's confidence.
-
Give
genuine recognition and praise. Pay attention to
what people are doing and catch them doing the right things.
When you give praise, spend a little effort to make your
genuine words memorable: "You are an asset to this team
because…."; "This was pure genius"; "I would have missed
this if you hadn't picked it up."
-
Take a
personal interest in people. Show people that you
care, and genuine curiosity about their lives.
Ask them questions about their hobbies, their
challenges, their families, their aspirations.
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