Work, Job, Profession

Lingo of Employers and Employees     Blind Golfers     Who is the Designer of the Human Body?    Dating a Consultant     Joaquim's Fault     Three Envelopes

"Dig the Lingo of Employers and Employees"

Employer's Lingo:


We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.


We have no time to train you.


We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings... More

Joaquim's Fault

A man is digging a hole at the same time that his friend is covering up the same hole. And thus they spend the day, one digs and the other one covers up. Curious, a passerby who can no longer keep quiet watching the surrealist scene, approaches the two men and asks, "Gentlemen, what exactly does this mean?"

"Well, we're working," one of them answers.

"And are you positive there's nothing wrong with what you're doing?"

"Well, if there is something wrong here, it's Joaquim's fault. He didn't show up today."

"And who's Joaquim?" asks the passerby.

"He is the guy who sows the seed."

GM vs Microsoft

At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:


If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day... More

Who is the Designer of the Human Body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Blind Golfers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" the doctor chimed in. "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" the pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Three Envelopes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech  corporation.  The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and  presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up  against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales  took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his  wits' end, he remembered the envelopes.  He went to his drawer and took  out the first envelope.  The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at  the feet of the previous CEO.  Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the  problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in  sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his  previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope.  The  message read, "Reorganize."  This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times.  The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."


TOP TEN Ways to Know You Are Dating a Consultant

  1. Refers to those "intimate moments" as "Win-Win situations"... More






Business, Science, Technology

Lingo of Employers and Employees

GM vs. Microsoft

Top 10 Ways to Know You Are Dating a Consultant

Success, Failure

Problems, Solutions

Cultural Differences

Humorous Quotes

Making a Decision


Funny Pictures

Funny Classics

Silicon Belly

Days In Office

The Coffee Maker is Broken