"Dig the Lingo of Employers and Employees"
We remain competitive by paying
less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that
you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings...
A man is digging a hole at the same time that his friend is covering up the
same hole. And thus they spend the day, one digs and the other one covers
up. Curious, a passerby who can no longer keep quiet watching the surrealist
scene, approaches the two men and asks, "Gentlemen, what exactly does this
"Well, we're working," one of them answers.
"And are you positive there's nothing wrong with what you're doing?"
"Well, if there is something wrong here, it's Joaquim's fault. He didn't
show up today."
"And who's Joaquim?" asks the passerby.
"He is the guy who sows the seed."
GM vs Microsoft
At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer
industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with the
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics:
For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day...
Who is the Designer of
the Human Body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous systems has many thousands of electrical
The last said, "Actually it was a
civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" the doctor chimed in. "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" the pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say,
what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes,
that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can
do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these
guys play at night?"
A fellow had just been hired
as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was
stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered
envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you
can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty
smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really
catching a lot of heat. About at his wits' end, he remembered the
envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope.
The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press
conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO.
Satisfied with his comments, the press
and Wall Street
responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon
About a year later, the
company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious
product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO
quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize."
This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive
profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times.
The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, "Prepare
TOP TEN Ways to Know You Are Dating a Consultant
Refers to those "intimate moments" as "Win-Win situations"...