People Skills:

Building Relationships


The Key to Influencing People, Including Yourself

Vadim Kotelnikov personal logo Vadim Kotelnikov

Founder, Ten3 Business e-Coach Happiness, Achievement, Inspiration, and Innovation unlimited!


"Egotist is a person who is more interested in himself than in me."

Three Part of the Effective Selling Process

  1. Establishing rapport with the prospective customer

  2. Identifying the problem or need that the prospective customer has, consciously or subconsciously, or creating a need for a radically new product

  3. Presenting the solution and persuading the prospective customer to buy


Rapport Levels4

  • The way you present yourself

  • The way you behave

  • The skills you have

  • The values you hold

  • Your beliefs

  • The kind of person you are

  • Your purpose of life

Building Relationships

Connecting with People

What is Rapport?

Rapport is a process of building a sustaining relationship of mutual trust, harmony and understanding. It is essentially meeting individuals in their model of the world. This happens through matching the accessing cues from words, eye movements and body language. Rapport is the ability to be on the same wavelength and to connect mentally and emotionally. It is the ability to join people where they are in order to build a climate of trust and respect. Having rapport does not mean that you have to agree, but that you understand where the other person or people are coming from.

Rapport the Key to Building Trust

Rapport is achieved when two people can see the other person's viewpoint, appreciate each other's feelings, and be on the same wavelength. We all have different maps of reality ways in which we perceive the world and "we can only really trust people who look at the world the way we do.

Same Reality, Different Perceptions

4 NLP Perceptual Positions

If we feel understood, we give people our trust and open up to them more easily."2 Taking the other person's perceptual position will help you achieve rapport and build trust.

Rapport the Key to Influence

Yin-Yang of Influencing People

Rapport is the key to influence. It starts with acceptance of the other person's point of view, their state and their style of communication. To influence you have to be able to appreciate and understand the other person's standpoint.

Understand EGA of Your Audience

And these work both ways: I cannot influence you without being open to influence myself.

Yin-Yang  of Effective Listening

Rapport as a Philosophy

"Rapport works best when it is a philosophy a way of dealing with people and a way of doing business at all times in contrast to doing rapport as a technique in a sales meeting or when there is a problem."4 Having rapport as a foundation for the relationship means that when there are issues to discuss, you already have a culture in place that makes it easier to talk them through and thus to prevent issues from developing into complaints, objections or problems.

Understand Cultural Differences

Creating Rapport

"To create rapport, it is important to mirror, match, and pace the person or persons with whom you are communicating."3 In order to do so, it is important for you to open your sensory channels. You can train yourself to build and refine this operational skill. Opening your sensory channels "provides you with the ability to see, hear, and sense external changes (minimal cues, both verbal and nonverbal) presented by individuals with whom you are communicating. This is the first step to eliminating an internal response and mind reading."3





  1. The NLP Coach, Ian McDermott and Wendy Jago

  2. Selling With NLP, Kerry L. Johnson

  3. Selling Yourself to Others, Kevin Hogan and William Horton

  4. NLP Solutions, Sue Knight

  5. How To Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman

  6. Instant Rapport, Michael Brooks

  7. Magic of Rapport Revised, Jerry Richardson